justkaty.com

Sometimes I feel like I live my life backwards or in the wrong order. Bouncing to different sections on the timeline with no regard for the natural order of things nor regard for other people along the way.

I have never been one to live by rules and often over analyze everything in my head. And as much as I want I believe that things don’t get to me… They do. I am way more emotional than I would like to admit.

I guess as much as I do my own thing I want those close to me to do and want the same things. Is this wrong? Perhaps.

Slowly I have been trying not to have expectations. As unspoken expectations just seem to hurt all those involved. I often say if you don’t voice what you want then how will I ever know? The same thing goes for stepping on toes. How will I ever know I’m doing the tango to your waltz?

Don’t get me wrong… I still have wants and needs and dreams. I just don’t expect anything any more. Sometimes I question if I even have the right to want what I want.

There is so much that has transpired since my last post.  Way too much to talk about really.  I made my youtube debut, on my 30th (seen below staring none other than myself and John).  I have been artistically blocked for a while and recently felt the urge to write and write and write, but been afraid of the words that flow.  As it stands right now I am learning vulnerability and that is one hell of a scary thing for me.  Yes, with some prodding I am able to talk about how I feel, still would rather paint or write it out.

This crazy amazing whirlwind of a thing has come completely out of the blue.  It is new and exciting and comfortable and scary and worth every second.  And oh how vulnerable I am.  So naked and out there.  But I am sticking it out.  Terrified of misstepping.  Worried over how much is held in and released and shared and not shared.  I have honestly never felt this way before.

I am floating in a new sea of emotions and thoughts.  Clinging to myself.  Searching for driftwood.  I have learned that changes are in the air.  I breathe them into my thirsty lungs.  I have been forced into some serious epiphanies and reaching out to a very special friend who has listened to my stream of consciousness and helped me realize what I have already known.  This is going to be a very interesting year full of welcomed and unwelcomed changes that little by little I am learning to embrace with every fiber of my being.

Also I have been meeting some very amazing people on Twitter.  Feel free to follow me here:  Justkaty on Twitter.

And with no further ado… for your viewing pleasure:

K:  John says I get my loudness from you!

M:  Loudness???? Whatever could he mean?

K:  I know!  We aren’t LOUD!!

M:  Maybe he has sensitive ears.

K:  Quite possibly…  Too many skull caps have flattened his hair and made him sensitive in the ear holes!

M:  I think you may be right.  I will visualize him in a white light with his hair standing up and his ears will be saved.

A cute blonde college girl is buying Christmas stuff in my lane when a boy from another lane turns around and sees her.

B:  Oh my gosh!  *insert name here*  What are you doing here?

G:  Hey *insert name here* Shopping?  What are you doing here?

B:  Shopping!  I meant what are you doing here in town?  Do you go to school here?

G:  (obviously disinterested) Yeah…

B:  (obviously excited) Are you seeing anybody?

G:  (kind of annoyed and very DUH!) Ummm YES!

B:  (not discouraged) Want to go to dinner?

G:  (thoroughly disgusted, trying to ignore him) NO!

B:  *stands there awkwardly with a look of public humiliation/anger)

G:  *rolling eyes*  *glancing back exasperated that he is STILL there*

B:  *stalkerish hovering*

G:  *grabs her bag to leave*

B:  (still hopeful)  Can I carry your bags?

G:  NO just leave me alone… *stomps off*

All the while I feel like an intruder and can’t help but watch out of peripheral vision, chuckling under my breath.

Dude dating is HARD!!

We have been waiting days for this bad snow to hit us.  It still hasn’t come.  Yesterday afternoon we saw fat flakes fall like a glorious snow globe.  Then it all settled at the bottom and laughed at our attempts to swirl it up again.  Laughed so hard it began to cry.  Frozen tears that covered the town.  Amazingly enough walking downtown I did not fall… even on that marble-y sidewalk. 

This morning I awoke to the the soft shimmer of frozen everything.  Stairs, sidewalk, car.  I took that first step from Carpet to Landing and slid to the banister.  Turned around and slid back to the door to lock it.  Slid towards the stairs like I was on roller skates grasping for the wall before I fall.  Somehow I managed to stop and grab handrails.

Here is where the real adventure began.  I held to the slick icy handrails.  Tried to step on the first step.  I ended up sliding and whooping.  My immediate reaction was to sit down into my heels.  So there I was clinging for dear life trying to walk down ice covered metal stairs whooping and sitting down so I wouldn’t go flying.  It was very Ski Jump a la Wii Fit.

I made it 1/2 way down via this method when I realized that the neighbor scrapping his windshield was watching me and laughing.  So I bravely tried to walk normal.  My left foot went sliding repeatedly drawing my right foot down too to have my feet swirling like a Saturday morning cartoon.  I was airborne for 3.5 seconds twisting my left bicep in the most uncomfortable position I let go and prayed for a soft landing.  Some how I landed on my feet and slid to the finish line at the end of the Ski Jump.  The crowd cheers!  Gold medal for Katy’s execution.

I did however slide on the sidewalk into the door of my car while trying to de-ice…  No injuries though!

Last week I got hit with a little bit of a cold.  Drinking gallons upon gallons of Sunny Delight cause it’s cheap and chock full of Vitamin C.  Finally I have started feeling better with only a lingering cough and scratchy man voice.  (Hawt!)

When my sense of smell returned I noticed that my house smells like cooking onions.  Onion is one of the most disgusting things to me!   This led to me rounding up the trash and leaving it sit precariously teetering against the microwave stand.  Who wants to walk ALL the way to the dumpster early in the morning or late at night?  Not me!  Besides, I have a friend who tells me I shouldn’t go ANYWHERE in my neighborhood with out pepper spray.  (Was that a shout out?)

After rounding up the trash I cleaned all the litter boxes and put that trash can next to the large overflowing can.  This was done with the mentality that I would take it all out at once.  One of these days…

Back to the lingering cough.  When I get overheated or excited I have coughing fits left over from this cold.  Some of them are not bad, some of them make me almost pee myself.  So here I am coming home from work at midnight and talking to a friend when a coughing fit attacks.  It was so bad I had to hang up the phone.  I ran to the trash can full of rotting peas, scalloped potatoes, and empty Sunny Delight jugs.  

There I stood over the can trying to hold back my hair…  gagging, hacking, and spitting.  I smell the veggies and dry heave with such vengeance that my glasses start sliding off my nose.  My mind quickly argued with itself regarding whether or not to let go of my hair and grab the glasses.  Ultimately the idea of stuff in my hair won out and I watched as my glasses began to fall… into the trash… with the leftovers in the bin. 

At the last second I involuntarily jerked my head to the right.  Smirking at my brilliance of not getting anything in my hair and saving my glasses from that smell.  The world fades to black and the camera pans to focus on those glasses falling in slow motion… directly into the can that is full of litter box waste.  (Oh joy, that is SO much better than 4 hour old potatoes.)

Here I stand (still gagging) attempting to grasp those beautiful (pink inside) glasses with greasy tongs.  Trying my darnedest not to pee myself from laughter at the situation.